I’ve been thinking about what kind of artist I am quite a bit, recently. I just can’t seem to get over that wall of lazy and unmotivation to actually produce anything. When we attended the Montreal International Games Summit this fall I was struck by something that I hadn’t really realized before; I want my art to mean something. I want my art to make a difference. I want to change the world. I want to lead gaming as an art-form that is actually mass market, a la literature and movies. This wasn’t something I had ever thought about before.
I have always had this desire in me to make things. To create and draw and give life to these weird and bizarre ideas in my brain. But I’ve never thought of myself as creative. I’m not saying that to be angsty or anything, but I still don’t see myself as a unique individual. My ideas and creations are just everything that I’ve absorbed and compacted through my brain and then regurgitated. As we listened to Chris Hecker give the closing key-note at MIGS and talk about how games are a new art-form, this is a new movement and we are at the forefront. And, we have the ability to fuck this up. As an up-and-coming designer/3D artist I don’t want to see video games fall in to the same category as comic books; meaningful and beautiful, but never taken seriously.
I was completely inspired by that keynote; I want to change the world and I want to change the people that play my games. The same way that Braid changed me, or Cave Story. When I was hit by the realization I was literally crying. Eva and I talked about it later, and the discussion led to her proposing to me. She and I share the same goal in life in that we want our art to inspire.
I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing that right now. I’m not producing anything meaningful. Although, I’m also struggling to keep up in school and I am learning the technicalities of my trade. I don’t really feel that’s an excuse, though. This is the real reason of my “Picture of the Moment” craze that I’ve been going on. If I consistently create I will get better at it. The more I create the more I’m going to fail at realizing my goal. But the more I fail the more I am going to learn. Aside from having the goal of at least one upload a day, I plan to have at least one thing modeled and textured for me every sunday. This way I can start to build up not only my collection of 3D, but also my experience at making all sorts of different stuff.
I just need to get over that stupid wall.