Alchemy

Have to admit that it’s a damn fun program to paint with. Someone in my class uses it a lot for rapid concepting.. but I’m not sure I can get the hang of it to do that. I’m far too reliant on actual form, which isn’t a good thing, really.
End of term is rapidly approaching and I really have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I’m putting stuff off I don’t want to (looking at getting my new computer), I feel like I’m falling short in everything that I’ve left to do before term ends and I’m generally sort of freaking out at what’s needing to get done. Stuff is piling up in an awful way and I just don’t know where to start. I don’t want to call mom and dad because I have to ask them for a loan so I can pay my tuition and talk to them about my grad. I just can’t seem to find any motivation to polish my stuff for Jalloo.
It’s interesting.. I saw one of the second year animation student’s finished stuff for the festival and I was a little astounded. Everything he had done was so full of originality and character that I know he’ll stand out. I thought about it a lot.. about how much I wanted that to be me of the 3D crowd and how I probably can’t achieve that before everything is due. He’s also got a lot more of himself figured out and is much older than me.. but still. I see a lot of missed opportunity in the time I’ve spent here. If I had a much clearer goal of where and who I wanted to be when I graduated I know my work and my presentation would be so much stronger. I don’t know if that’s a realistic thing to fault myself on, though..
I feel like I’ve lacked direction for a long time. And I like what I’m doing.. I’m just not as good as I want to be and I feel like I don’t know where I’m doing with it.
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I fell asleep after this so my train of thought left me behind in some sleepy desert.




blah







curious
drained
guilty
thoughtful
amused
sleepy